Defined by Christ

Text: Colossians 3:18–4:1 ESV

Introduction

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with [embittered toward] them.

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.” (Colossians 3:18–4:1 ESV)

I had a great opening prepared for this sermon—a pithy and witty use of common phrases you would have heard and known as an example that we think in words and phrases and connect to them emotionally. Then I realized my sermon was running long. 

Often as a preacher, we are trying to help connect a passage and God’s words to moments in your life and the thoughts you have every day. We want people to see how God’s word intersects with our everyday life in tangible and visceral ways, and for it to be connected in ways that are memorable so we place a priority in what was said in Scripture. Well, with this passage this morning, the actual words and context do that quite well. You didn’t need my cute introduction. 

In our passage we hear phrases like:

• Submit

• Obey

• Husbands

• Wives

• Children

• Parents

• Servants

• Masters

Everyone has an instant interest in this passage. It is built into the words and concepts we associate with them. Likely it is a very strong reaction…either for good, bad, or potentially frustration. 

At the very least, you are someone’s child. Many of you are married or have been, so you have some context for being a wife or husband.  And some of you have kids, so you can imagine being the parent in that relationship. None of you should be a slave, nor a master, which leads us to some interesting questions about this passage and how to read it.

But as we look at this section within the context of Colossians and Scripture as a whole, I pray you will see three main points (in one sentence) directly from our text:

• Your identity is in Christ regardless of the role you have.

• However, your identity in Christ doesn’t erase your role(s), rather

• Your identity in Christ defines how you engage your role(s).

Context

Our section of Colossians is part of one large section from Colossians 2:6–4:1. This is Paul’s encouragement to the Colossians of what it looks like to walk out this wonderful life we have in Jesus Christ, and how it changes everything we do. As we’ve said previously, the point of this whole section can be found in Colossians 2:6–7:

“Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.” (Colossians 2:6–7 ESV)

And as we read through this section, we saw the “negatives”—what we shouldn’t do—in Colossians 2:8–15, and the “positives”—what we should do—in Colossians 3:1–4:1. And Paul reiterates what he wants us to remember when we get to Colossians 3:11:

“Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.” (Colossians 3:11 ESV)

Here, as in Galatians and as in Ephesians, when Paul says there is no longer Greek or Jew, male or female, slave or free, the point is always that our only hope is Christ! Our identity as a man, a woman, our nationality, our conformity to particular rules and social norms will not save us. What will save us is Jesus! This is our first point this morning: We cannot read this morning’s section of Colossians outside of the context that our identity is in Jesus Christ alone. It is not how good of a husband, or wife, or child, or parent, or even the fact that you happen to be a wife, husband, child, parent, or any other descriptor, that saves you. 

It is amazing how subtly that actually can become our truth. When we stop to think about it, we acknowledge that we are saved by our faith in Jesus Christ alone. We would be shocked if someone wanted to require us to also believe in another holy book (like the Book of Mormon), or if we were told we had to believe in Jesus Christ and do a certain amount of penance or good works to make it into heaven. Yet, we subtly begin to believe that our good work, ideas, or deeds in some area are what help make us acceptable to Jesus. Our identity becomes an idol of our own making. We find it more comforting to think that we are in control. This was much of the Jewish problem throughout their history, where they thought their “Jewishness” is what made them acceptable, not the God in whom they had faith and the future coming messiah they needed so desperately. Table Rock, you are saved and found righteous before God because you are found in Jesus Christ alone! 

“Christ is all and in all!” (Colossians 3:11 ESV)

Yet, as we are reading along in Colossians, seeing this point from Paul, we hit our verse, and it is a very abrupt shift. All of a sudden, with no grammatical connection to what was said previously, Paul says, “Wives,” “Husbands,” ``Parents,” etc. 

While Paul’s presentation of this section may sound odd to us, it actually helps us understand what he is doing, and it has helped scholars a lot as well. It is a fairly settled debate now that Paul is quoting and modifying what was called a “household” code. Many different writers of Paul’s day were concerned with how the Roman household should work. The household was the small business and a nuclear core of how their entire economy worked. Family units and their children and servants ran these hubs of commerce and life that were networked and created the backbone of the entire Roman culture and economy. So, of course people were concerned with how it ran, and wanted to place their mark on the “proper” way it should function.

We have to answer then, why, just after Paul said in Colossians 3:11 that “Christ is all, and in all” is he using a household code formula here? Paul isn’t using the household code to define the most important aspects of life in order to give us our marching orders. He uses a common phrase and literary structure of his day to illustrate how those areas should be viewed and defined in a Christian ethic, basing our identity in Jesus. 

If the point of Colossians up to this point is a reminder that our identity is in Christ, here Paul is trying to make sure people don’t overextend what he has said previously (like in Colossians 3:11). This is our second point this morning, that our identity in Christ doesn’t erase our role(s). Paul chooses to use this formula to give the balanced perspective to what he said previously. Yes, your salvation is based solely on who Jesus is and what he has done, but you do and you should expect to find yourself in different roles where you can live out that new life in Jesus in distinct ways. This side of heaven we know for sure there are institutions and order and structures. They serve God’s purpose of revealing his glory to us. Sometimes those structures are purposefully created by God, sometimes they are neutral structures. Sometimes good structures are abused and sometimes a structure is wrong and we are to work to change it. But our identity in Christ both informs and aids us in the work of being in those structures.

This section touches on some topics that are difficult. Some people want to have the debate about whether we should keep what Paul says here or is it for an entirely different time. That question makes a false dichotomy. No, we can’t get rid of it because it is his example and his way of reminding us not only that our identity in Christ doesn’t erase our roles, but also of showing us the positive side of that statement, our third point, that our identity in Christ defines how we engage our role(s). But yes, we have to recognize what Paul is saying is from a Roman cultural phrase and context and evaluate it fairly with the rest of Scripture to understand his points. With that, let’s look at some of the specifics of what Paul is saying, and how we can and should appropriate his points. 

Wives & Husbands

Paul starts with wives and husbands:

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with [embittered toward] them.” (Colossians 3:18–19 ESV)

It is impossible to read Scripture and not see a role differentiation between wives and husbands. We see the same marital ethic upheld throughout Scripture, starting in Genesis and on into the New Testament, not only here but also in Titus 2:5,9; 1 Peter 2:18–3:7; and Ephesians 2:22–6:9. 

Now, Paul is very brief here and his goal in Colossians is not to lay out a full-orbed understanding of wife and husband relationships (or parent and children relationships or masters and slaves for that matter). Rather he is demonstrating the point that our identity in Jesus doesn’t erase our roles but rather informs them. Similarly, this morning we aren’t going to lay out the full picture of how husbands and wives are to operate, because that isn’t the main goal of our passage.

However, the Ephesians parallel to his passage is very helpful to see more of “why” this role is still a distinct part of the Christian ethic. When we look at Ephesians 5:22–33, a companion passage to Colossians, we see something interesting:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:22–33 ESV)

There is a picture occurring here. Husbands are to image Christ to their wife and the watching world, wives are to image the church and her love for her bridegroom to the same world. This has been the goal since Adam and Eve, and is still God’s plan. And, it wasn’t done perfectly throughout history, nor do we all walk it out perfectly today. But it is still a beautiful picture of the roles God has called us to. I think we would all agree who wouldn’t want a husband who acts like Jesus would all the time. And how sweet would it be if a wife responded to him as we, the church, should respond to Jesus all the time. 

Don’t think for a second that just because Paul abbreviates this message here in Colossians more than Ephesians that he isn’t saying something incredibly radical or amazing about our identity in Christ and how it changes this relationship. 

Let’s start with probably one of the most controversial statements for our culture. 

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18 ESV)

If you have ever demanded someone to submit to you, you have abused the meaning of the word submit. The definition means to “give over or yield to the power or authority of another.” If you “make” someone submit, they are no longer submitting but just obeying. 

It is no accident that Paul tells wives to submit but children and bondservants to “obey.” This was as radical for his day as it is for ours. Husbands and wives are co-equals before God, sons and daughters of the King, who have chosen to enter into a relationship that has a God ordained order. It is not one of master and servant, parent and child, but rather one of co-equals trying to relate in an order where the husband is responsible before God to image Christ-like sacrificial leadership, and wives a church-like submission to her bridegroom. 

Paul also protects and limits the submission in several other ways. It is only to “your” husband. Women are not to “submit” to all men, but rather, outside of their husband they have the same requirement we all do to treat one another like brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus. 

Nor is she to submit to her husband in any way, but only “as is fitting in the Lord.” Her imaging the church’s love for Christ never means she will do what Christ would not want. Her husband cannot require her to sin nor should she blithely follow him in ways that dishonor God assuming she won’t be responsible. 

Just as radically, Paul enjoins the husband to love his wife. None of the other household codes found require this of the husband. In the Roman world he was the sole ruler, not a loving caregiver to his co-equal and partner in this relationship. Yet here, in a Christian context, Paul calls husbands to love their wives. And in the midst of his role of leading her, he needs to remember to not be harsh or embittered toward her. 

I have to admit, this was the second most helpful point to me as I have studied this section (I’ll get to the first in a minute!), probably because I’m a sinful husband. The concept behind the word “harsh” in the ESV is better stated as they do in the NET bible, where they say “do not be embittered with them.” That is closer to what the word means, and I think it is very helpful. There are many men who struggle with being overbearing and mean to their wives. Demanding of them what they shouldn’t, and abusing them either verbally, emotionally, or physically. I can go to many other Scriptures to make the point that is wrong, and I think the word “harsh” here can give men a false security that as long as they don’t “hurt” their wife, they are okay. But Paul is saying to not act “embittered toward” them. Husbands, in walking out your leadership of your wife, you can’t act bitter toward them because it is hard to be a leader. Of course, it is hard for you to lead perfectly like Jesus, and it is hard for wives to have a perfect response like the church should. Husbands need to live with their wife in understanding, knowing the call to walk out their role is as difficult as your role. The reason Paul has to remind wives to submit is because it isn’t easy since their husband’s aren’t perfect. It is similar for his call to husbands. Praise God he is incredibly patient with us, and we should be the same as husbands and wives!

Children & Parents

Paul’s radical ethic for Christians walking uniquely in Christ doesn’t just stop at husband’s and wives, but he uses the household code to show how the relationship with children and parents can be uniquely God honoring in Jesus as well. So, children, listen up.

“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:20–21 ESV)

First, notice what he says to children. “Children, obey…”  Okay, stop right there. He doesn’t command the parents to make sure their children obey. He doesn’t tell parents what to do when their children don’t. He speaks directly to children. 

Children, youth, do you see that? Paul views you as your own person, capable of making decisions. And he reminds you to obey your parents. Yes, your relationship is different than the one of your parents with each other, but not completely. You, too, are a brother and sister with your parents in Christ if you believe in and trust in Jesus with all your heart. But you are also a “little” brother or sister. You have a lot to learn. God has given you a role in your life, with your parents, where you need to “obey” them. Who wouldn’t want to follow a mother or father if they treated you as Jesus would always. 

Again, just like we said about wives and husbands, this has to be done as it pleases the Lord. Children, I can tell you right now that God isn’t asking you to do something sinful just because your parents tell you to. You shouldn’t. Rather, even young Christians can encourage older Christians to do the right thing. But, usually, you are called to obey, even when you might not see the point, and trust that your Christ following parents are doing their best to raise you up to love God.

Father’s are addressed here, as in the household code they were the ones who ran the household. Here they are told to not “provoke,” their children, or more specifically as Ephesians says, “do not provoke to anger.” If our instruction of our children leads them to be angered, not because they are sinners, but because we excessively discipline them, we are not caring for them as little brothers and sisters. 

Do you see how this is a radical view of the child/parent relationship, not only then but also today? We still have much in our culture that encourages our kids to “obey,” but parents, do you see them as autonomous little siblings in the kingdom of God? They are little siblings you need to gently help bring into a loving relationship with God!

Servants & Masters

And that brings us to servants and masters. 

“Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.” (Colossians 3:22–4:1 ESV)

I have to admit, this is the section that always troubled me the most. There is a lot in Scripture about the roles of husbands and wives, and much on children and parents, so the fact that Paul took the Roman household code and used it to model how those roles still exist but are changed by our faith in Jesus never seemed hard to me. But slavery? Paul, why didn’t you just tell them, “Stop being a master over slaves and just treat them like a brother or sister?” This was his opportunity, why didn’t he do that?

And this is also what has helped me the most in this section to see that Paul is really concerned that we realize any role we are in should be transformed by our faith and relationship with Jesus. I don’t think we can read the rest of the New Testament without seeing how much slavery shouldn’t exist. I believe that Paul did not condone slavery. In fact, if you read the book of Philemon, it is hard to imagine how the relationship between Philemon and Onesimus would end up looking much different than an incredibly benevolent boss to a worker. Christians should have, and still should, work to erase racism and prejudice. But, I think there is a great reason why he didn’t outright try to abolish it here. 

While Paul is laying the groundwork to make sure that masters and slaves can never have the same kind of relationship as they used to, he is also aware that this general dynamic will never fully go away. This TYPE of role will continue to exist. Just like we will always have children and parents, and then presumably husbands and wives, there will always be someone in a position of power and others under them who need to rightly work and provide service for them. And just like Paul was using husbands and wives, children and parents as examples of roles and how they can be changed by our life in Christ, he is using the common institution of slaves and masters in his day as well. So using the category without arguing to abolish it directly makes his point that we act distinct in our roles in Jesus Christ.

Much of this same dynamic is still present in our current work culture where a boss ultimately decides if you get money or get fired. As a student at BSU you have to provide homework and lab work to a professor who can give you a grade that might change your career prospects. That is where the advice given here is timeless and needed. If you are serving someone else in any capacity, you should do it in “the fear of the Lord.” Not so others are pleased with you but sincerely before God because God knows what you are doing and why. If you are over others, remember you have a master in heaven over you who ultimately will judge you as well. 

Application

As we look at this section and try to think through how it applies to us, it is especially this section on masters and slaves that reminds us that these examples are just that—examples! Paul has taken the general structure of the Roman household codes and is using them to remind us that our identity is found in Jesus, but it doesn’t erase our roles, rather, it informs them. Some structures are God created and God honoring. We want to use those to honor God rightly. Some are wrong, and we should work to change them, like slavery, but we will always find ourselves in positions where we are either in a place of power or one of serving, and we must respond rightly in Jesus Christ.

Table Rock, perhaps one of these examples is exactly what you need to focus on today. Perhaps you are a husband or wife who either makes your identity your role instead of Jesus, or you forget that being in Jesus has completely transformed how you relate to one another in Christ. You might be a child this morning or a parent, and need to remember to view each other as a gift—children as autonomous little brothers and sisters and parents as guides and instructors to life in Jesus Christ. 

But this passage challenges us to much more! What role do you have in your life that you need to hold rightly? On the one hand, what role do you have where you might need to realize that all that will ever save you is your relationship with Jesus—not how good of an athlete, student, worker,  or boss you are. And on the other hand, how do you submit your roles to Jesus and live as he would want you to—perhaps you have a neighbor with whom you aren’t very neighborly, or a sibling you don’t act very loving toward. 

Benediction

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:16–17 ESV)